Think I'll miss you forever, Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky

Not so long ago, I posted about my youngest sister who was in the John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford and her battle with stage four colon cancer.

Then even less time I posted about going to South Africa to meet my youngest niece, who at nine months old I had never met.

Yesterday I returned from South Africa, my twelve day visit extended to six weeks.

I got to meet my niece Olivia, who is a wonderful, delightful baby and I also got say goodbye to my youngest sister Rosie who finally lost her battle. My wonderful, delightful niece won't remember her courageous feisty aunty.

Right now I can't begin to describe my grief. It's strange, I don't really miss her all the time and most of the time I am doing fine. Then the grief creeps up on you, like some malevolent miasma, seeping through the cracks in your precious façade of normality.

In the end it was very sudden and very peaceful, and for that we are all very grateful, but it was just under two years since Rosie's her diagnosis and there was so much more she wanted to do. She was just 31.

 

 

 

Spring Sunshine

A few months ago, my sister and hubby did some plotting, behind my back, the result of which is I am writing this from the spare room at my sisters house in Durban. As I had never met my niece, she was born about two weeks after I returned from South Africa in January, they thought it would be nice for me to come to meet her.

So last Saturday I boarded a plane to Dubai, from where I caught another one to Durban and I got to meet my niece. Olivia is a truly delightful child, very happy and chilled, full of big beaming smiles. It's also lovely to catch up with my nephew, Anthony, as he is growing up so quickly.

We've had a lovely week so far, spending time with the children and also catching up with my sister and brother in law. Al and I, and Olivia went out for breakfast one morning at the fancy Oyster Box Hotel (where incidentally we went to for my Birthday in December). When Anthony found out I was coming over he insisted we went to Spur (burger/steak place geared for children) for dinner, and I had a very nice burger, and Al and I shared an ice cream which Olivia was convinced was for her when they brought it! We've had a braai and we had bunny chow for lunch one day. I have tried Pilates, which I really enjoyed. Then last night we went out dinner where unfortunately I succumbed to food poisoning. Such a shame because the food was lovely, but I was then up most of the night with violent sickness and diarrhoea,  not to mention horrible stomach cramps. Al has been the most wonderful nurse, bringing me various tablets and fluids to keep me hydrated.

On Monday I'm going up to Hillcrest to see the parents and Rosie, who has unfortunately been back in hospital rather a lot since she came back from the UK, and is currently in hospital again. I'm there for two nights then back to spend my last night with Al, before returning to the UK on Thursday.

The curve ball of life - and it sucks!

Some of you know, and some of you don't, but I have a younger sister. She's 10 years younger than me, and like all sisters we argue and disagree,  irate and annoy each other, but she is my sister and I love her dearly.

Anyway, for a long time my younger sister was in pain, she went to her GP, who sent her for tests, she made many trips to the emergency room (A&E for those of us in the mother country). The surgeon she went to see decided it was gall stones - we have a family history. But then in her case it wasn't gall stones. So, if a person is in so much pain, but it's not what you think it is, what would any normal person (let alone a qualified medical professional) do........yeap, you'd like to think they would think, well something else must be causing the pain.Unfortunately for my sister, the surgeon didn't bother and by the time she saw someone who actually gave a shit, she had a tumour in her colon that was too large to remove without killing her. This tumour is stage four colon cancer and had spread to her lungs and the abdominal cavity.

Pretty devastating news for someone not yet 30. But here my sister showed what a fantastically strong and courageous person she is. She decided to fight this bastard. She's had surgery to bypass the tumour, many rounds of chemo that leaves her feeling sick and weak, radiotherapy, and not to mention the almost constant pain she is in from the tumour pressing things it shouldn't. She has undergone indignities that no one her age should, all the time having to face up to the fact the her life has been cut short because a so called medical professional failed in the basic principles of his profession.

My sister got on with her life as best she could, all the time knowing that she will probably never have children, maybe never get married, never having the things that we all hope and dream for. She is stoic in the face of this tragedy, preferring to look on the positive side, to stay alive long enough for medical advances to come up with a cure. And seemingly this is working. The chemo, while not actually shrinking her main tumour, has got rid if the secondaries in her lungs and the abdominal cavity.

Then at the end of July, she arrived back in the UK, the land of her birth, for a two week holiday to attend a family wedding. She looked better that I had seen her in a long time, full of life. It was therefore not in the script that I end up having to call an ambulance in the early hours of the morning, five days before she was due to return home to Cape Town.

Although our local A&E is Stoke Mandeville, I persuaded the paramedics to take her to the JR in Oxford. At first they thought she had a perforated bowel, then it was an infection following surgery she had back in SA and now it's probably an abscess. She's attached to drips, intravenous food, drains.......getting out of bed is a serious logistical nightmare of making sure she doesn't step on a tube and pull it out. And then today she got the news that the cancer has spread again, this time to her liver.

The hospital are still hoping to get her well enough to return to SA, and they are really doing their best for her. They are talking about getting her started on chemo over here if she can't travel for a while, though until they get the infection sorted, no chemo - can't go killing the white blood cells, when you need it to fight an infection!!

So here is my little sister, came over her on a two week holiday and now has been in the JR for nearly three weeks, in pain, frightened and on her own a lot of the time. In the face of all of this, she hardly complains and she's doing her best to remain positive, despite it being bloody difficult.

This post is for my little sister, who I admire more than words can say. I am not sure I would have the strength that she has shown, to face up to what she is going through. Hang in there kiddo, keep fighting it and we are all there with you, as much as you need us to be xxxxxx

It only took 9 months!!

Well finally I had the news the other day that the 'other side' has agreed to settle following my car accident last September. They are not admitting liability, but they accept that if it went to court they would lose.

We had the odd battle along the way, like them wanting me to accept that the accident was 50% my fault because that was their understanding of the police report. Er.......let me think - no! And are you reading the same police report as me??

They also sent a letter stating the Highway Code states you should take care passing large vehicles! And??? Are you suggesting I wasn't? I went through the Highway Code and quoted every single rule relating to overtaking lorries on the motorway, and any other rule that might be relevant!

They then tried to call me an unreliable witness!! Number one - what's my job?? I think I might be considered slightly more reliable the lorry driver who told the police it was a car in front if him that braked heavily that had become a van by the time he spoke to his insurers! Suggested that makes him unreliable!!

But ultimately, they are paying up, and it will pay a few bills and pay for us to go to Berlin in December. It has all dragged on a bit, and although my insurance company was excellent in the beginning and has sorted it all out, I did have to do a fair amount of chasing and I had far more info for them than a normal mop - advantage of the investigating force being the one you work for!! Also, being a bit au fait with the relevant bits if the Road a Traffic Act relevant to collisions, has helped with some of the insurance companies attempts to fob me off!!

Facebook

Is Facebook like Marmite - you either love it or you hate it??

Some people think so..........me, personally, I like FB, I post a lot of random stuff, rant, comment and according to hubby, live my life on it. I don't think I do, but I do use it a lot as I enjoy the snapshot into people's lives, so you sort of feel connected in a strange sort of way.

And then we come to the question of what, if any boundaries should there be on FB? One of the things we hear quite frequently at work is 'so and so posted a nasty comment about me on FB' So, ok, have deleted them as a friend then, changed your privacy setting so they can't post on your page? 'No' is invariably the answer. WHY NOT????

Now if I'm friends with someone who posts things I don't agree with, or I find offensive, I'll either tell them or delete them and like wise, if you don't like what I post, delete me, I'm not going to be offended and wage a vendetta against you.

Now obviously you have to respect the laws that we live under (in which ever country you reside), and posting comments that are discriminatory in any way have the potential to get you into trouble, likewise posting things that would incite people to commit illegal acts, also a bit of a no no!

Then we get to posting nasty things about people, and by this I mean a bit more than name calling, saying he/she is ugly, fat etc. Not nice, agreed, but not usually enough to get you into trouble. But when you start posting stuff that is either untrue, or is truly offensive, this is were trouble can start.

And then we get to our employers. Quite a lot of us have out employer listed on FB, and it is usual for it either to be in your contract of employment or terms and conditions that you should not bring your employer into disrepute...........ie don't say anything nasty about them. And the same goes for FB.......if you want to slag your employer off, be careful if you're going to do it on FB, there may be repercussions.

But then we get to the fact that we all have the right to a private life, the freedom to express our personal opinions and at what point should we then curb what we say because someone else might be offended, or your employer might not like it.

My employer has a whole policy about the personal use of social media. Fair enough, considering who they are. Most of it is about being sensible and rather strangely it does not forbid you to have them listed as your employer, just states that if you do, then you must make it clear that the views are your own, not theirs. You also have to be careful about what info you put on about yourself (sensible in the age of identity theft), as putting too much info could compromise your vetting. Again fair point.

However, at work at the moment we have what someone has dubbed the 'Facebook mole'. Now the mole has taken it upon themselves to report colleagues (and FB friends) to PSD (Professional Standards Department - they deal with complaints!) for comments that have put on FB. Are these posts offensive? No. Do they slag off our employer? No. Has the mole got their facts straight? In the most part .... No.

Unfortunately we have no idea who the mole is..............we have the ability to make reports of supposed misconduct anonymously. But hey, if you are going to grass up your colleagues, at least get your facts straight first!

The wonders of the NHS

In the UK, we have this thing called the NHS (National Health Service), which is the healthcare provider for the entire country. Some people say that it is free, and if you take that fact that to see your GP, you (yourself) don't have to physically hand over payment of the cash kind, or if you need an operation, and are happy to wait anywhere from 3 months to 5 years, again it is free - no bill to be settled.

However, nothing in life is free, and in reality the NHS is paid for, by those of us who work and pay into the UK tax system, so it's not really free is it. And on top of the fact that a large proportion of my wages are syphoned off by the government to pay for things like the NHS, and benefits for those who don't work, so who really do get the NHS for free (separate rant, I digress), I still have to pay for  drugs that I should need because I am sick, in pain etc, pay to have my eyes tested and then pay for glasses so I can actually see (to go to work to earn money, so the government can syphon large chunks off) and to have my teeth checked - well I go private for that, because NHS dentists are rarer than hens teeth ha ha!!

But, if you are in urgent need, the NHS is a great thing. On his last day at work, before our Spring leave (when the kitchen was due to be done), hubby didn't feel well. He didn't look well either, so some of his concerned colleagues said he should go see the duty inspector and ask to go home. The duty inspector didn't like the look of him either (but that's another story), and called an ambulance, as they suspected he was having a heart attack - but of a common occurrence in the bus industry. Ambulance was called, arrived on blue lights, and hubby whisked off to the local mortuary, sorry, hospital to be treated.

Turns out it wasn't a heart attack, wonderful news, but probably angina, not so wonderful news (more on that later). Anyway, his BP was sky high, so they decided to admit him to do more tests. They were pretty sure that it wasn't a heart attack, but they like to make sure, and one of these making sure things, was redoing some test, 12 hours after the 'attack' started, which would have been the middle of the night. So hubby spent a rather uncomfortable night in hospital and they did the test, which was the same as the first one, so no, not a heart attack. And this being the NHS, not a penny was demanded for any of this pleasurable experience.

Anyway, then the fun started. Hubby's BP was still very high, so they wanted to keep him in. However, he was in an assessment ward, where he would remain, so no real facilities (TV, Radio, reading lights) and building work going on outside the window from 07.00 hrs until 21.00 hrs - don't they know sick people need to sleep. And that is before we get on to the poor chap in the bed opposite who was unconscious, but attached to some type of monitor that went off every time he breathed - 'don't move' they kept saying. He's nearly dead FFS, he's not moving!!! My BP through the roof when I went in there, no wonder hubby's wasn't coming down. Now bearing in mind he was admitted Tuesday lunch time, they wanted him to stay until Friday, to do an exercise stress test, which would prove or disprove the angina theory. Reason he had to stay until Friday, they'd given him a drug they shouldn't have!! Hubby said no, he'd come back, and although they weren't happy, and made him sign a form saying he'd discharged himself against medical advice, they let him go. Anyway off goes the doc, to sort out the drugs but then the sister says 'no, if you're discharging yourself, no drugs'

WHAT - is the NHS having a strop?? If you don't do what we want, you can't have the drugs that might make you better, so you might then have to come back, and be even sicker............luckily the doc was sensible, and hubby got drugs and an appointment for the exercise stress test about 2 weeks later, and a letter saying that he'd have to have an echo cardiogram, to be booked at a later date.

Now hubby was being released with 'suspected angina attack'. Now hubby is a bus driver, and as such has to pass a fairly stringent medical (group 2) to get and keep his licence to drive a bus. The DVLA (the lot that issue driving licences in the UK) require to be told about any little medical episode, illness.......basically anything which may effect his fitness to drive. They already know about his high BP (when he takes his drugs, it's within the required parameters). Let's just say I am now a bit of an expert of the Medical requirements of a group 2 licence, and if hubby had angina, he had to be attack free for 6 weeks before he could drive again. But at the moment it was only suspected, so what do we tell them.

So we begin the waiting game and the gauntlet of actually getting the NHS to labour into action. Hubby was off sick from work for 4 weeks..........that's 4 weeks on sick pay, and while he does get paid most of his salary, it's his basic salary, no allowances or anything, so almost a 50% pay cut - ouch. Exercise stress test came and went, passed with ease, no angina attack, which is basically what they were trying to do, so all good. Still no sign of the echo appointment and also no sign of an appointment to see anyone who would say 'you have this wrong with you'. Of course during this time, hubby is having to go to the GP to get sick certificates for work, and try and find out the results.

When he had the exercise test, he was told that the results would be sent to his GP within a week. So, he made an appointment to see the GP for a week later. Guess what, no results, signed off for another week, and come back. Went back a week later, still nothing. GP starts to chase and response from hospital 'results can take up to two week to come through' Ok, why was he told a week, and it is now two weeks, even though the hospital seemed to think he'd only just had the test. GP said they would chase again on Monday. On Monday we get a different story 'the results aren't sent to the GP' they are sent to the cardiologist, who will then decide if the patient needs to be seen' And how long will that take........................no-one actually appears to know, but here is a number you can call, which is either constantly engaged or never answered!!

Of course all this time, hubby can't go back to work, as understandably, the bus co. don't want to risk him dropping dead at the wheel and bending one of their shiny vehicles. Hubby is of course bored out of his skull, having been on the sick for 4 weeks, so kindly, his boss agrees that if the GP agrees, he can go back to work on 'light duties', not driving a bus. So, hubby goes back to work and is paid for sitting around drinking tea....................well he did do some odd timing checks etc, but an awful lot of tea drinking was involved!

Still nothing from the hospital, so in the end, hubby actually goes to the hospital and goes to the cardiology department, where he was lucky enough to encounter one of the consultants pa's, who took it upon herself to get things sorted. Basically they had forgotten about him, he had slipped through the system, he was just pending. Within 24 hours she had an echo booked for him and an appointment with a consultant and finally things were looking up. And finally hubby gets a diagnosis, 8 weeks after the original 'incident'..............all caused by.....................he hadn't been taking his BP tablets and his BP had got extremely high. No heart attack, no angina, in fact his heart is very healthy, so back to work..........finally!!!

Now, none of these test, appointments or treatments did we have to stump up hard cash for (though hubby does have to actually pay for the drugs to keep the BP under control). But the NHS isn't free and when you get shoddy service like this (sorry, he was just missed), it makes you a bit angry.

Anyway, ultimately the good news is hubby is fine, no lasting damage, and things are back to normal, but it was a fraught couple of months not knowing if he was really ill and if he would keep his job.

How long does it take to chop up a tree??

If the Highways agency are involved - about 12 hours so it would seem!!!


Let me explain. For those of you who don't know, the Highway Agency are a UK government agency who are responsible for the motorways. They maintain them, they do those messages on the matrix boards (you know the ones that tell you there is a 30 mile and hour limit when you are stuck in stationary traffic) and they also have patrol officers, who come and sit on the hard shoulder behind your broken down vehicle with their flashy orange lights, while you wait for your recovery company. They also close the motorways when needs be - like a serious incident and their patrol officers are supposed to be able to assist the police in certain things, so we don't end up with the police sat on slip roads to close them, so the police can be off doing other things.

Anyway, the other morning I got on the motorway to go to work, and promptly was directed off again at the next junction by the Highways Agency patrol officers. Motorway is shut because............at the time no idea.

Anyway, I find out later it is because in the storm we had on valentines night, a very large tree blew down - blocked the hard shoulder and two and half lanes of the motorway. Fine, shut the motorway, safest thing to do. But the tree came down at midnight, and  the motorway was shut until the following midday.

Ok, it was a big tree, but 12 hours??? What were they using to chop it up............a nail file?!

Irony

When I was involved in my car accident in September, as part if the insurance claim I had to go and see a doctor. The insurance company arranged it all and I had to go to Reading and see a doctor, mainly about the pain I was getting in my back. All fine, I found the place, saw the doctor and then came home. Imagine my surprise when about two weeks later a letter arrived from Reading Council saying I had driven in a bus lane!!!

I won't go into the ins and outs if it all, but it was a but if a con, but a bit ironic really, wife of a bus driver gets done for driving in a bus lane!!!

End of the hols - for some!

Well, after a fabulous holiday, as with all these things, time has come to return home...........well for some. So, after going for a very tough run this morning, I have come back to pack up the suitcase and in about two and a half hours we shall be heading to the airport, where hubby will board the evening flight to Dubai, for  the start of his long journey back to the UK.

I'm staying another week, so won't get back to the UK until a week on Sunday, but someone had to back and rescue Thunder Paws from kitteh prison! Also, hubby has to go back to the day job!!

So, I'll be sad to say goodbye to hubby, but happy to be spending a bit more time with my family, and no doubt my extra week will be up all to quickly and I'll have to return to a cold, wet and by the sounds of the news reports, a gale ravaged country!!

The year has changed again, or ramblings of the past!

So here we are, another year has passed and we have arrived in 2014, so Happy New Year everyone!

So, do I review 2013 or go on about hopes and plans for 2014?? Oh god, decisions! Well, firstly, I am writing this from South Africa, after a hot and sunny New Years Day. Hot Christmas and New Year is a bit strange, though I'm not complaining. We arrived in SA on the Friday before Christmas, to spend the holidays with my family. the plan was for them all to come to the UK, as youngest sister wanted to have a cold Christmas, but middle sister buggered that up by becoming preggers, and as baby is due in at the end of Jan, no self respecting airline as going to let her anywhere near one of its planes!!! So, small change of planes, saw me and hubby coming south, so we still get the family Christmas, albeit a hot one.

The holiday has been fantastic, though I managed to come down with flu on the Monday before Christmas, but a wonder drug called Myprodol soon sorted things and out, and I was still able to enjoy the festivities. For my birthday we went to a rather posh hotel in Umhlange (just north of Durban), right on the beach. New Year was celebrated with a few (24!!!) festival balls and now for hubby, hols are over, as tomorrow he must make the long journey back to the UK via Dubai, as unfortunately the buses are calling, and he is back to work on Sunday 😔😔. I however am here for another week before having to make the same journey.

So, what's happened in 2013.............this and that I guess. Work is its usual delights and challenges, but generally pretty good. At the end of 2012, we had a bit of a change around staff wise, which was a bit unsettling and disruptive, something which continued throughout the year and unfortunately will continue into next year, due to further changes of staff, thought some are more welcome than not! We decorated the spare rook and planned to have the kitchen replaced, though this was put on hold when I wrote off my car at the beginning of September having been hit by a lorry on the motorway. Anyway this is back on track and hopefully we'll get it done in March.

We spent two weeks in Cyprus in June, enjoying unseasonably hot weather, and in October I ran my first 10k race. I wasn't the fastest ( by a long shot) but I ran the whole distance, and considering it was only month after my car crash I was happy. Christopher still rules his roost, and is very well settled.

So, what is 2014 going to bring?? Well, I've a few plans and aims, but hose are mine to maybe divulge at a later date. I'm not a huge believer of resolutions, but am happy to have a few plans and aims. However, I will try to blog a bit more.....