Resurrection and Omicron

 So, after saying I was back, life yet again got in the way. Here we are, 1st December 2021 and what has changed???

I’m still driving a bus and I’m back in Oxford, but I have changed company. I now work for what used to be considered the enemy, but as enemies go, actually they have been great, and I have to say I am probably happier on the work front than I have been in two or three years. Yes, there was more drama and shit I my life, which I may post about one day, but right now I can’t be arsed…… to put it bluntly. Anyway, the new company, one of the big four, has been great to me. I’ve been there since April, and after a spell on lates/nights, I got days on the rota I wanted. I’ve become a mentor to new drivers, did wonder if I would enjoy it, but am so far.

Covid is still with us. After having the bog standard variant that did the whole world in, being a virus it decided to mutate, as viruses do. We had the ‘Kent ‘ version, which we were allowed to call the Kent version, and no one objected, well maybe the people of Kent. Then we got the Indian variant, but then India objected and we had to call it the ‘Delta’ variant (from India). Then just as things started to seem to be getting back to normal, we were allowed to travel, socialise, and apart from sanitiser still being the nations favourite tipple, normality seemed within touching distance , last week we got the ‘Omicron’ variant. Southern Africa was immediately expelled from the planet ( because that’s where it came from), they are all back on the red list ( we can’t go there, they can’t come here), and flights suspended. Face masks are back in fashion ie compulsory on public transport and in shops, and we are all taking bets that we will be in lock down again for Christmas!

Despite Covid still generally being to number one item on the news, the odd thing does surpass it now, nothing like a bit of variety. The scientific bods did their stuff and the planet now has various Covid Vaccines. Normally it takes decades to develop, test and get approval for these things, but needs must and they managed it all in about a year. See what you can do if you put your mind to it. We now have these things called ‘Covid Passes’ which you have to produce for various events and travel ( when that was still on the cards) etc. So we now talk about being ‘Double jabbed’ - you have had the two doses required of the Covid jab. We are now getting boosters, mine is in January, but as the Government seems to move the goal posts daily, I may get it sooner! We are all being encourage to get a Flu jab too, ‘most can get it free’ allegedly. Bit like less than 10% of the population pay for prescriptions. Just my bloody luck, in that less than 10% and not eligible for the flu jab. Luckily work paid for the flu jab for me! 

Haven’t seen the family in the Southern Hemisphere for over two years now - well in the flesh. To zoom and to FaceTime are  ow everyday verbs regarding communication. That saying, haven’t seen much of the close family either, another Covid rule, can’t meet anyone. I have become and Aunt again. Youngest brother and his better half had a baby boy at the beging if November. Dylan was born on the 5th, which for those that know, is the day that my youngest sister passed away. I wondered if I would be upset, but actually I found myself quite pleased. On what is quite a sad emotional day for me, I now have something to celebrate.

Anyway currently on a weeks holiday. Can’t go anywhere really, well could, but you have to test the life out or yourself and pay for the privilege. We are all supposed to be doing Lateral Flow tests several times week just to check we haven’t got it. I try to remember, but guess we’ve all got a bit complacent. Have to ramp up the testing as well, as stock piling toilet paper. We had a petrol shortage in the summer - we didn’t, but Shell, or Esso, or someone announced to the press that they had had to shut 6 petroleum stations due to the lorry driver shortage - turned out many of them were from the EU and buggered off home when we chose the Brexit path and Covid hit. We’ve got a bus driver shortage too, but no one gives a shit about that, coz you just shout at the bus driver who does turn up, that the bus before him didn’t! Anyway, I digress - so less that 0.01% of the nations petroleum stations had to close because they couldn’t get fuel delivered. Some idiot told the press, and within 24 hrs the nation had run dry. I mean we hadn’t, we just couldn’t get it too the pumps quick enough. It took about 2 weeks for the nation to stop being a bunch of cocks, but we got there in the end. On the flip side, petroleum is like £1.45 a litre. Fuck me, at that price it should bloody be driving the car for you!

So we are staying at home, I may get round to doing the ironing and least the cats are happy we are home. Yes, cats. Our wonderful handsome Christopher died suddenly just over a year ago. It was a huge shock and we were devastated. We thought we’d wait for a while before thinking of another cat, but the kitteh sized hole was glaring and in December 2020, We welcomed Honey into our lives. She was joined by Missy in August. Now they aren’t the best of friends, but the Cold War is slowly thawing and least they don’t try to kill each other all of the time.

So, I shall try to post a bit more, if Covid or global warming doesn’t get us first!

All change

 I used to enjoy posting my rants and musings in my blog, and then I stopped. Grief consumed me for a while, and as things appeared to be on the up, shit happened again. A lot has happened since my last post, and I may slowly get round to filling in the gaps, but it may be a long process.

Anyway, here we are towards the end of 2020 and nothing is any way near where we imagined it to be this time last year. Of course the global pandemic is something that is consuming the entire plant ( in more ways than one); we have daily briefings from the government, Brexit and Grenfell have been knocked off the top spots for news for the last 10 months, and the death toll is massive! Corona Virus / Covid-19 has proved to be extremely virulent and extremely fatal for those who are vulnerable (old or ill being the top victims). I had it back at Easter, lost 8 kg in a week (all of which came back 😡) and could not get out of bed for a week. Then as quickly as I became ill, it went, though my body took some time recover.

About that time I was 2 months into a new job and I went back to work on time for a national lockdown which I ended up working all the way through. After 11 years the police and I parted company - I may go into details one day, but suffice to say it was not a happy time and there is still a lot of hurt and bitterness swirling about. But the new job, with the new skills required has been great and I’ve made some fantastic friends. See all these events and happenings to comment on.

Well to sleep I must go, but back on the wagon I am.

Grief

It's been a while since I posted anything, nearly two years in fact and it has been so long I had to reset my password, as apparently I changed it 3 months ago...........no I didn't, but I now have a super dooper make no sense password that I'll probably forget in about 2 days!!!


However, this is a post I have written many times in my head and it has taken many forms, but I have never managed to muster up the inclination to actually publish it. Two years ago I was preparing to travel to South Africa to meet my niece for the first time, and I had a wonderful time. But then on the day before I was supposed to travel home, my youngest sister finally succumbed to her terminal cancer. Of course the grief at the time was constant and raw, the slightest thing would set you off, but to run out the usual trite sayings; 'time is a healer' and 'it does get easier', are true, to a certain extent. Yes, as time progresses, the grief does get less raw and constant, so it does get easier, but what no-one really tells you, is that you think you are doing fine, and suddenly grief creeps up on you, and knocks you for six....again. It's a sneaky bastard.

Initially I did a lot of crying in the car...........always interesting, blurred vision while traveling at speed in a metal projectile, but that has lessened as time has gone on. There are the sleepless nights, or at best the nights of broken sleep, the restlessness, the not knowing what you want to do, cannot settle at anything, irritability.............it all comes and goes, without warning or explanation ........ apart from the broken sleep, that's been pretty constant!!!

I then graduated from crying in the car, to crying on the bus ............always good for the self esteem and thank good that seemed to be a mainly summer affliction, so I could hide behind dark glasses. The becoming emotional at the silliest, stupidest thing; music, newspaper articles, videos, films, you name it. The rational, sane part of me recognises the depression symptoms, but what do you, see the quack and get a load of pills, and that is not really the answer either.

Every time I  thought or spoke about my sister, the tears would come, but over time this has got better and most of the time I can remember her without turning into a blubbering wreck. Yes, there are still some bad days, but on the whole, I have progressed. There are many things I regret, mainly that we weren't really that close in later life. Partly with was due to her moving to South Africa when she was 13 (I was 23), so if we were doing well, we saw each other once a year after that. As she, and I, grew older, we had very different tastes and beliefs, and if the truth be know, nothing really in common, other than blood. She had her demons, and at times they threatened to overwhelm her, but just when she was getting her life back on track, finally getting herself sorted, she suffered the cruellest of blows, terminal cancer, before the age of 30.

Now I find myself getting upset a stupid irrational things, seeing a beautiful view, and thinking she will never get to see that. That she never had to chance to get married. She'll never come home........to England. In a way, I have mastered the dealing with of the grief of her not being here, but I am still struggling with regret, the regret of things she will never do or see, the regret that we had grown apart and I will never know her better.

And then if this was not enough, a very close friend, who had fought her own demons for a very long time, finally could face the fight no more, and in early July came the news she had committed suicide. I went that work that morning to have message from a mutual friend, asking if I had spoken to her. Not in last couple of weeks, though we had been messaging about a new job opportunity she had, something she had been excited about when I had seen her about a month previously. I sent her a quick text to ask how she was, though little did I know that I was already too late.

Being in the job I am, and the fact that it was on 'our patch' the dread and suspicion worsened all morning.  Every call I made was met with stonewalling and 'we'll let you know as soon as we hear anything'. The final call I made, told me all I needed to know 'Someone is coming to talk to you' . And here I go again, the roller coast of grief. back to crying in the car, the sleepless nights, and again the guilt, the feeling that I was a rubbish friend because I did not see the signs, that I was not there for her. Again, the same and rational part of me tells me that when a person gets to the stage that they want to kill themselves, and actually go through with it, there is often very little you can actually do, but that does not stop you wanting to try, and feeling guilty because you weren't able to try.

So yet again, when I  thought that I finally had grief under control the little bastard has climbed out of his box and is giving me another battering.

Think I'll miss you forever, Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky

Not so long ago, I posted about my youngest sister who was in the John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford and her battle with stage four colon cancer.

Then even less time I posted about going to South Africa to meet my youngest niece, who at nine months old I had never met.

Yesterday I returned from South Africa, my twelve day visit extended to six weeks.

I got to meet my niece Olivia, who is a wonderful, delightful baby and I also got say goodbye to my youngest sister Rosie who finally lost her battle. My wonderful, delightful niece won't remember her courageous feisty aunty.

Right now I can't begin to describe my grief. It's strange, I don't really miss her all the time and most of the time I am doing fine. Then the grief creeps up on you, like some malevolent miasma, seeping through the cracks in your precious façade of normality.

In the end it was very sudden and very peaceful, and for that we are all very grateful, but it was just under two years since Rosie's her diagnosis and there was so much more she wanted to do. She was just 31.

 

 

 

Spring Sunshine

A few months ago, my sister and hubby did some plotting, behind my back, the result of which is I am writing this from the spare room at my sisters house in Durban. As I had never met my niece, she was born about two weeks after I returned from South Africa in January, they thought it would be nice for me to come to meet her.

So last Saturday I boarded a plane to Dubai, from where I caught another one to Durban and I got to meet my niece. Olivia is a truly delightful child, very happy and chilled, full of big beaming smiles. It's also lovely to catch up with my nephew, Anthony, as he is growing up so quickly.

We've had a lovely week so far, spending time with the children and also catching up with my sister and brother in law. Al and I, and Olivia went out for breakfast one morning at the fancy Oyster Box Hotel (where incidentally we went to for my Birthday in December). When Anthony found out I was coming over he insisted we went to Spur (burger/steak place geared for children) for dinner, and I had a very nice burger, and Al and I shared an ice cream which Olivia was convinced was for her when they brought it! We've had a braai and we had bunny chow for lunch one day. I have tried Pilates, which I really enjoyed. Then last night we went out dinner where unfortunately I succumbed to food poisoning. Such a shame because the food was lovely, but I was then up most of the night with violent sickness and diarrhoea,  not to mention horrible stomach cramps. Al has been the most wonderful nurse, bringing me various tablets and fluids to keep me hydrated.

On Monday I'm going up to Hillcrest to see the parents and Rosie, who has unfortunately been back in hospital rather a lot since she came back from the UK, and is currently in hospital again. I'm there for two nights then back to spend my last night with Al, before returning to the UK on Thursday.

The curve ball of life - and it sucks!

Some of you know, and some of you don't, but I have a younger sister. She's 10 years younger than me, and like all sisters we argue and disagree,  irate and annoy each other, but she is my sister and I love her dearly.

Anyway, for a long time my younger sister was in pain, she went to her GP, who sent her for tests, she made many trips to the emergency room (A&E for those of us in the mother country). The surgeon she went to see decided it was gall stones - we have a family history. But then in her case it wasn't gall stones. So, if a person is in so much pain, but it's not what you think it is, what would any normal person (let alone a qualified medical professional) do........yeap, you'd like to think they would think, well something else must be causing the pain.Unfortunately for my sister, the surgeon didn't bother and by the time she saw someone who actually gave a shit, she had a tumour in her colon that was too large to remove without killing her. This tumour is stage four colon cancer and had spread to her lungs and the abdominal cavity.

Pretty devastating news for someone not yet 30. But here my sister showed what a fantastically strong and courageous person she is. She decided to fight this bastard. She's had surgery to bypass the tumour, many rounds of chemo that leaves her feeling sick and weak, radiotherapy, and not to mention the almost constant pain she is in from the tumour pressing things it shouldn't. She has undergone indignities that no one her age should, all the time having to face up to the fact the her life has been cut short because a so called medical professional failed in the basic principles of his profession.

My sister got on with her life as best she could, all the time knowing that she will probably never have children, maybe never get married, never having the things that we all hope and dream for. She is stoic in the face of this tragedy, preferring to look on the positive side, to stay alive long enough for medical advances to come up with a cure. And seemingly this is working. The chemo, while not actually shrinking her main tumour, has got rid if the secondaries in her lungs and the abdominal cavity.

Then at the end of July, she arrived back in the UK, the land of her birth, for a two week holiday to attend a family wedding. She looked better that I had seen her in a long time, full of life. It was therefore not in the script that I end up having to call an ambulance in the early hours of the morning, five days before she was due to return home to Cape Town.

Although our local A&E is Stoke Mandeville, I persuaded the paramedics to take her to the JR in Oxford. At first they thought she had a perforated bowel, then it was an infection following surgery she had back in SA and now it's probably an abscess. She's attached to drips, intravenous food, drains.......getting out of bed is a serious logistical nightmare of making sure she doesn't step on a tube and pull it out. And then today she got the news that the cancer has spread again, this time to her liver.

The hospital are still hoping to get her well enough to return to SA, and they are really doing their best for her. They are talking about getting her started on chemo over here if she can't travel for a while, though until they get the infection sorted, no chemo - can't go killing the white blood cells, when you need it to fight an infection!!

So here is my little sister, came over her on a two week holiday and now has been in the JR for nearly three weeks, in pain, frightened and on her own a lot of the time. In the face of all of this, she hardly complains and she's doing her best to remain positive, despite it being bloody difficult.

This post is for my little sister, who I admire more than words can say. I am not sure I would have the strength that she has shown, to face up to what she is going through. Hang in there kiddo, keep fighting it and we are all there with you, as much as you need us to be xxxxxx

It only took 9 months!!

Well finally I had the news the other day that the 'other side' has agreed to settle following my car accident last September. They are not admitting liability, but they accept that if it went to court they would lose.

We had the odd battle along the way, like them wanting me to accept that the accident was 50% my fault because that was their understanding of the police report. Er.......let me think - no! And are you reading the same police report as me??

They also sent a letter stating the Highway Code states you should take care passing large vehicles! And??? Are you suggesting I wasn't? I went through the Highway Code and quoted every single rule relating to overtaking lorries on the motorway, and any other rule that might be relevant!

They then tried to call me an unreliable witness!! Number one - what's my job?? I think I might be considered slightly more reliable the lorry driver who told the police it was a car in front if him that braked heavily that had become a van by the time he spoke to his insurers! Suggested that makes him unreliable!!

But ultimately, they are paying up, and it will pay a few bills and pay for us to go to Berlin in December. It has all dragged on a bit, and although my insurance company was excellent in the beginning and has sorted it all out, I did have to do a fair amount of chasing and I had far more info for them than a normal mop - advantage of the investigating force being the one you work for!! Also, being a bit au fait with the relevant bits if the Road a Traffic Act relevant to collisions, has helped with some of the insurance companies attempts to fob me off!!